Pet Salvation
I just read where the Lutheran Church up north was having a ‘Paws Prayers and Praise’ this week. Course, I checked to see if this was an April Fool’s Joke, but … it’s July, so I presume this is for real. Not that I think furry souls couldn’t use some ‘saving’. Doggie treats were being offered, I’m betting as puppy sacrament and no doubt wine in a bowl, blood of the … well, hopefully nobody brings their lamb to the PP&P.
Mainstream churches — so I’ve heard — are losing membership. The kids go for the evangelical mega-churches where the pastors are hip and wear Garth Brooks style microphones like the stars they are. We’ll have contests soon on cable TV: American Pastor. “That was great, Jimmy, really brought them to their knees.” “Sorry, Clyde, Cotton Mather was more fun than you.” “Got to kick you off the stage, Ralph, those collection plates were a little lean.”
It’s not easy selling religion to the masses these days, don’t kid yourself. You need an angle, you need a hook, you need a P.R. agent and you definitely need Facebook. Attention spans are pretty short and sermons, well, c’mon, if they won’t fit on a Tweet, they’re too long, get over yourself. Summarize, summarize, sum it up and move on to the Christian rock music.
You’re not going to lecture to a pet, that’s for sure. Butt sniffing, that’s about the longest they’re in for. Butt sniffing is not in the Bible, not the King Jim version for sure, maybe the Dead Sea Scrolls but I doubt it. And I don’t want to mention leg humping. I KNOW that’s not in the Old or New Testament. Not saying it’s a sin, but geez, in a church? A church that doesn’t even like human humping if it’s not man on woman. In the sanctity of marriage. Well, enough said about that….
I may have to go down to this Paws Prayer and Praise, see for myself. It does though, smack of … I don’t know … dare I say it? Bestiality. There, I said it. Animal love, is it wrong? Well, I don’t know but this seems desperate, a slippery slope of 4 legged forgiveness, feral feelings and potential poop scooping in the House of the Lord. If nothing else, hopefully anyway, it should be a joyful noise, all that barking.
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