Exploding Head Syndrome
It’s a dangerous world, anybody who listens to Hot Talk Radio can tell you. Yesterday I read EHS was far more prevalent than I suspected. EHS, for you folks comfortably uninformed, is short for Exploding Head Syndrome. So okay, I hadn’t heard of it either. But geez, what images that diagnosis would conjure up! “I’m sorry, Mr. Daddle, but you have EHS and we’d like it if you paid immediately and left the building,” my doctor might say once he confirmed the test results, no need endangering the unwary patients in the waiting room.
The article I read told me 1 in 5 students surveyed in a University study suffered from this gruesome malady. Any way you cut it, that’s a lot of Ichabod Cranes walking headless around campus. I can only assume their GPA suffers, but the article never cited statistics on diminished academic performance. As I read further, I was informed EHS was characterized by loud bangs heard in the night. Imaginary bursts of noise, sharp enough to awaken the afflicted from a sound sleep. 1 in 5! Explosions in their dreamy heads.
On the South End we got a lot of folks with odd ailments. We have actual gunfire frequently, but I guess that doesn’t count. Normal incendiary reports. At least I think that that gunplay is real. Now I’m not as sure. Now I’m starting to worry. I was chatting it up with Mudflap Mike today and I noticed he didn’t seem to be following our conversation, kept glancing at his cellphone to check messages, took an incoming and text messaged twice. Maybe it’s the power of suggestion, reading articles on newly discovered pathologies, but I swear Mudflap was its EHS’s newest victim. All I know is a part of him wasn’t there, the part above the shoulders. And now that I think of it, that’s true of a lot of my friends. My god— we may have a pandemic on our hands!
Hits: 69
Bangs in the night?
I suppose now that people take their iPods, iPhones, and iPads to bed with them, things that go bump in the night have no choice but to bang it up to 11.