Zombie President
He’s baaaack! You thought maybe you’d heard the last of him after Facebook banned him for at least the next two years. You thought he’d be a little too busy huddled in the Mar-a-Lago office with his team of attorneys prepping for the New York indictments coming soon to a theater near you. You figured he would just fade away from the national consciousness same as the Covid plague, all of us just weary of the constant drumbeat, the endless articles, the tsunami of statistics and mortuary tables.
But then, you really didn’t know the man. He’s the opposite of Dracula. He dies in the dark. He thrives in the spotlight. No way was he going to stay buried very long, not our boy, not when he knows we all miss the thrills and chills of his every word, who cares if he just keeps repeating himself. Witch hunt. Stolen election. Return to the White House. I am not a crook.
No, wait, that was the other crook, what’s his name, the tricky one. This one thinks he’ll be back in the Ovoid Office before August. The lib press keeps referring to this Trumpless Void as the Big Lie, as if repeating that will convince the true believers the election was fair. And possibly balanced. Qanon believers, definitely unbalanced, would disagree, possibly violently if voter suppression laws don’t do the trick.
Democracy itself is at stake, so say my libtard pals. Ignorance rules the right, the Dark Ages are coming back, the internet is the only truth (and you can pick from an incredible buffet of theories). Democracy. If the voters want Donald back, well, there’s your democracy. Sure, you can blame gerrymandering, voter suppression, the electoral college, Mitch McConnell, the Supreme Court, dark money, the Koch Brothers and the think tank apologists. And you’d be right. So what? Democracy in action, my friends. I know, it looks more like a bad late night horror show with the appliance salesman host dressed up as Count Dracula with a toupee and a cape. But the zombie president is out there, fingernails clawing at the hastily dug grave we left him in, digging his way back into the limelight. As usual, the sequel will be much worse than the original.
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Tags: Count Donald, Night of the Living Donald, Trump and Nixon, Zombie President
I’m not sure if I have the entire Trump’s Gonna Rise Again timeline in proper sequential order, but I believe it’s something like:
Late Summer 2021 – Reinstated as President
November 2022 – Run for Congress as a representative of his district
Early 2023 – Throw his hat in the ring for Speaker of the House
Sometime 2023 – Impeach Biden
November 2024 – Run for President again (even tjough he’s already the reinstated President, a representative in the House, and Speaker of House)
If he can manage all that and keep up his schedule on the golf course, as well as fight off all the lawsuits at the same time, I gotta say, I’ll be pretty impressed.
What superlative can we apply to the man that he himself hasn’t already claimed? You are right, the Reinstated President’s ambition is equalled only by his self esteem. He was, after all, a self made billionaire. Sort of. A reality TV celebrity. Certainly. The greatest president this country has ever had. Not to mention will have once he’s back in office this summer. If he can keep his pants on backwards and still play a helluva game of golf with a minimum of cheating, I’ll be impressed too.