Mike Pence vs. the Coronavirus
If you’re wasting time reading this instead of fumigating your house and property for coronavirus, you must be one of the countless many who are reassured that the epidemic coming to a town or neighbor near you is in good hands with the new Pandemic Czar, the veep, the man himself, Mike Pence. Sure, he fought the remedies for needle exchanges to reduce HIV back when he was the Guv of Indiana, but that was more about morality and Biblical teachings than it was hardcore science. Mike, in hindsight, probably wishes he’d read the tea leaves of public opinion a bit earlier, but it was Indiana so c’mon, let’s cut him some slack. Unless you’re old enough to remember when he claimed cigarettes didn’t make smokers sick. Doc Pence, faith based prognoses.
I did notice, however, the Prez didn’t call him the Pandemic Czar, that was me. In fact, he’s not really sure this coronavirus, even if he could remember the name correctly, was the real McCoy. Might get worse, might not, who knows? But … just in case, he brought in the Big Dog, Mike. If things go wrong, if things do get worse, if this cold or whatever it is starts killing people, especially people in this country, well, you can’t blame Donald. No, he put his second in command in charge. The buck will stop there.
Sure the Center for Disease Control stated unequivocably the virus was coming, sooner, later, who knows, but it was definitely coming. The President, thinking like his Medal of Freedom recipient, Rush Limbaugh, that this was just another hoax by the media and the leftists, claimed this was the same as that Russian interference stuff. Pandemic? They don’t think so. Fake news? There you go….
Mike stated today that the risk was really pretty low for this colonvirus or whatever the scientists are calling it. No need for panic, not much to be afraid of. He’s meeting with Congress and they’ll work out the details for a budget. If that doesn’t make you afraid, nothing will until bodies are being tossed in corpse carts for incineration down at the crematoriums for the diseased.
But me, why worry? Pence and his task force have the situation well in hand. You know, if they’re right about Rush and his Chicken Little theory…. Otherwise, you may need more than a hepa mask and two months worth of Costco supplies to see you through.
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Tags: Pandemic Czar, Pandemic Panic, Who's Afraid of the Spanish Flu?
I would guess Pence gave Leviticus a good read through his first day on the job as COVID-Czar. Anything in their about germs? Nope. What about a virus? Nothing? Then let’s hold a press room briefing without audio or video, which is as transparent as it gets in this Administration. Old school, just like the Founding Fathers would have spoken to the press.
And a mighty testament went out across the land, but no one could be sure what meaning it held. Doth it afflict the 70 and 80 year olds and the poor in greater proportion than those who hath received additional tax reductions the previous year? Will Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid roles be reduced as a consequence or perhaps coincidence from these policies? Some receiveth an underground bunker, others a casket, who needs Democratic Party socialism?
I think we liberal Dems sometimes are a bit harsh on the Mike Pence’s of the world, or at least those in this Administration. The man has to take the reins, become a leader AND a spokesman, without credentials, without facts, without backing from the Man Above, without — and I know it sounds harsh but we have to be honest — without intelligence of any sort. His job is to reassure a shaken nation that they might live to see another day. Think of him as a National Placebo, bolstering our natural defenses without really offering any panacea, any tests, any vaccine, any hepa masks even. ‘Doin a great job there, Brownie’ (insert Mike, insert anybody in the Cabinet really) Reassurance, my brother, reassurance. Everything is under control. Stay calm everyone and don’t wet your pants. Worst case, we can close the southern borders where this filthy virus will most likely try to sneak thru. Give us the money and we can build a virus-proof Wall. With a moat of chlorine bleach. Meanwhile, stay in your homes. It’s a hoax perpetrated by the Democrats but please, stay in your homes. Mike will address you shortly from an undisclosed bunker …