The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

The mainstream media, ever attuned to the pulse of America, trotted out a little article about the return of exorcism today in my two morning papers. 175 practitioners, it stated, men of the cloth who, when summoned, would cast demons from the afflicted. And no, for the record, they won’t cast Trump from office, just other demons, particularly the Devil. Don’t get me started … it’s too dark a detour.

Sixty percent of us in this country believe in the existence of Satan. Not Satan as a metaphysical construct, but Beelzebub as the embodiment of Evil. Until this President I didn’t believe in the Prince of Darkness, but now I’m not so sure. But again, let’s try to stay on topic here, no point in taking on the impeachment hearings when Schiff and Pelosi are undertaking their own exorcism. Why muddy the water?

Sixty percent of Satan believers is more than the percentage of us who think Donald should be yanked out of office. Okay, I apologize, but the devil made me do it. I will try to stay focused. My point is that if you believe in Lucifer and then start hearing horrible and angry voices or getting mysterious and ugly tweets, you might seek remedy, not in pharmacology, but in ecclesiastically based exorcism. I’m not sure if it’s covered under Obamacare, but it would be worth looking into. Even if it weren’t covered under your insurance plan, the cost of casting out demons might be worth the expense. How long before those nasty tweets eat holes in your brain?

I suppose there must be a School of Exorcism somewhere. A degree. An apprenticeship. Sure wouldn’t want to be the first guy on someone’s exorcism list and end up with a REALLY pissed off Antichrist rattling the cage inside my head because a doofus with a hankering to be a professional Demon Expeller used me for a test case. I want to see some references. I want to see proof he graduated from a certified College of Devil Extermination. I want to see that degree, buddy, before I let you inside my hell-fired brain to battle with the King of Evil.

And … forgive me here for once again violating my promise not to go all political … I’d want to know, if the Devil was impeached, exorcised, cast out, whatever term you want to apply, who would take his place? Winnie-the-Pooh? Mike Pence? Or just another satanic acolyte? A lot of us, if the polls are right, prefer the devil we got to the devil we don’t know. It might just be we need a lot more exorcists than 175. Might be time for our Sec. of Education, Betsy De Vos, to start using charter schools to churn out exorcists by the thousands. Kind of up her alley.

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