The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

If you’re like me, you enjoy a daily dose of good conspiracy theories almost more than binging Netflix. Bill Gates was behind the development of this killer virus. China unleashed this covid-19 on the United States by setting it loose on its own people and watching it spread to the rest of the world. The Pandemic is a hoax and photos of overwhelmed hospitals are faked. The economic shutdown is a liberal attempt to socialize America. The number of coronavirus deaths is a lie to scare the nation and make us cowering sheep.

Me, I think we should create our own conspiracy theories. To that end, let me toss out the kernel of one and hope that you can expand on it, maybe find some convenient faux facts to accelerate the paranoia and possibly get this going viral. With a little luck we can catch the attention of some Russian bots and before you can say Right Wing Insurrection we have ourselves a full blown crackpot conspiracy with interviews on Rachel Maddow and sketches on Saturday Night Live.

My conspiracy theory is this: the Pandemic was a scheme by Donald Trump and a cabal from the military industrial complex with the full backing of Amazon to unleash it on the world. Testing was withheld to give the virus a solid foothold. To that end Trump put Vice President Pence and Kommisar Kushner in charge, insuring the necessary delays in counteracting the disease. The goal was to give the President his own daily talk show, presumably to update a frightened country on the pandemic’s progress, but essentially to give himself prime facetime. Every day, week after week, the President would Talk. When the pandemic reached a critical death count, the country would shut down, quarantined, with only internet and TV for outlets. President Trump would give a fireside ramble every day.

Add to that the bailout package cobbled together in a few short days. Trillions of dollars would be handed out to major corporations and enough small checks to each individual to make the larger handouts palatable. The country was in crisis! Money would be spent. Trickle down economics would save the day. Corporate welfare would be institutionalized.

And, if necessary, if this Pandemic roared back when red states restarted businesses prematurely, well, the Election might have to be postponed. Might even need to be, for the welfare of the country, put on permanent hold. After all, we would be at war. Thankfully, the General would speak to each of us daily. A grateful nation would listen to his every word. The Trump Show would garner the largest ratings in television history. The War on Germs would never really be won, but in the end, we will have met the enemy. And the enemy was us.

Hits: 114