The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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One of the traits of great leaders, I suspect, is the ability to distill complex problems to their simplest core, examine them without the distractions of critics and solve them in an expetitious manner. This, you may have already deduced, is Donald J. Trump’s genius. The man can wade past annoying facts, barking journalists, pesky Congressional opponents and drive directly to the easiest solution available. Usually denial. Fake facts, uncomfortable pseudo-truths, troublesome investigations — he can bounce them off his magic shield like Captain America before astounding his enemies and supporters alike with yet another avenue to making this country great again.

Today he proposed a government global television network to rival the failing CNN. Brilliant! Just positively brilliant! He didn’t mention banning the rivals to this station, but you know that’s next. And yeah, I know, Fox News is basically a government television network already. At least for this particular government. And okay, I guess if you want to shrink bureaucracy down to a size you can drown in the bathtub or a toilet, maybe adding another agency is counter intuitive. But c’mon, you gotta give the man credit. If you hate the news coverage of your administration and your family and your business dealings and your ties to Russia and Saudi Arabia, all those damnable lies coming at you from every side every hour every day every tweet, what’s the solution? You gonna keep answering every phony question these yammering yahoos throw at you? He tried throwing out reporters from the briefing room. Big mistake. All Acosta’s buddies came to his rescue screaming First Amendment! First Amendment! Geez, you’d think he’d waterboarded the guy.

No, better to create Trump Network. Only the news that will make America great again. And maybe some programming to entertain a country desperately in need of more entertainment. Forget Oprah, we got the Ivanka Show. I! Bring back The Apprentice, only this time we call it The Cabinet. One week McMasters gets the hook, another one Tillerson bites the dust, next week who will it be? Tune in to Trump Network News to find out. Half politics, half reality TV, all advertisement, 24/7.

Be honest with yourselves, the man could sell shoes to amputees. He knows how to market the Brand and if the Brand is America, what’s not to love? He’s a marketing machine, Trump is. If he could rename America most of our problems would dissipate in a single network season, trust him on that one. Trumperica? Okay okay, maybe not quite it yet, give him some time. Meanwhile, Radio Free Trump and Trump Television Network. A government network that is more fair and balanced than anything you’ve ever seen. CNN, you’re fired!!

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My old man asked me what I thought of that guy who came to the White House the other day. ‘You mean Kanye West?’ I asked, full knowing he had no idea who Kanye West was other than some black dude wearing a MAGA ballcap who got the full royal treatment from the President. My dad is 95, a Fox News junkie, but not really a rap aficionado. He couldn’t make heads or tails of this Kanye guy dropping F-bombs in the White House and hugging the Commander-in-Chief like he was his best friend.

‘Weird’, he muttered. I mean, after all, this was after Hurricane Michael, the 3rd most powerful hurricane to hit an American coast in a hundred years, had leveled entire towns and cut off tens of thousands of citizens from civilization without water or power or food or communication, another Great Job, Brownie moment for the Trump. Priorities, I guess.

It’s been, as my old man sez, a weird week. Kavanaugh confirmed and seated, Melania claims she doesn’t buy rumors of affairs with those women, the Washington Post reporter Khashoggi was killed and diced into suitcase sized chunks by the Saudis in Turkey, the U.N. issued a dire warning for the world concerning the threat of global warming, the stock market went into a two day free fall and Trump attacked the Fed chairman who he appointed. Weird week, weird year, weird America. I’m used to it, you’re used to it, we’re all used to it. We’re probably, without being aware of it, addicted to it. What if — and I know you can’t imagine it now — we had a news cycle, a full 24 hours, an eternity in this future shocked world, without a headline (genital)-grabbing pronouncement from the White House?

What if all we had was sports and weather reports? Would we tune our radio to music? Would we go back to soap operas instead of Fox and CNN? Would we start drinking early in the morning? Could we live with the boredom????

I heard a rumor that the Kanye West bromance was nothing but a prelude to the Trump News Network, the TV network Donald would launch after he declines to run for a second term, figuring that would be more fun than governance. Kanye, of course, would get a starring role as entertainment mogul. I mentioned this to my old man and he laughed out loud. ‘That’s ridiculous,’ he said. I said I agreed. I give it 50-50.

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