The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Maybe some of you are of an age where you get senior discounts at various retail stores and, a reward for surviving the travails of living. With the coronavirus plague shuttering those places and menacing us in even the most trivial of errands out there in zombieland, the local grocery stores here have embarked on offering us geezers an early jump on shopping, figuring we probably get up early since we don’t sleep well anymore, and more importantly, we need to keep our distance from shoppers carrying the seeds of our early death. I, for one, appreciate the thought.

Actually, no I don’t. But … in one instance I acted on this offer. Costco. For weeks I have been hearing about traffic backups, long lines to enter, enforced separations, limited shopper numbers, more long lines, enough rumor to convince me to avoid the enchanted warehouse. Forget buying bulk, I growled, I’ll pay more for less at the local markets. But after a month I realized I needed half a dozen items that would make it worth my while to return to the consumer cathedral and so when I heard they had Geezer Hours early in the morning three days a week, I set an alarm and drove up to the nearest Costco from me, about 40 miles or so.

I got there an hour after they opened but even so the store was wonderfully vacant. I cruised a couple of aisles with the other geriatrics, snatched my required items, queued up with only one cart in front of me and sailed out in the unheard of time of 7 minutes, no doubt a national Costco speed shopping record. Not that I got any medals, but… I had reward enough.

These are strange times in Plague Town. Driving through Stanwoodopolis, like most towns around here, the scene is post-apocalyptic, a dystopian glimpse of a future we thought only existed in sci-fi. Gas stations are open with unheard of llow prices we haven’t seen since the golden years of the 60’s, but they’re basically empty since no one is driving much of anywhere with no stores, no malls, no shopping other than groceries and cannabis, the essentials. Pretty soon they’ll pay you to store their excess gas in your tank. And as incentive, offer you a free roll of toilet paper now that toilet paper is more precious than gas or gold.

Personally I’m waiting to fill up … til they offer geezer incentives. Adult diapers, not toilet paper.

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