The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I didn’t hear about the Straight Pride march in time to attend. As a white guy, straight male, I’m like a lot of Trump supporters, angry as hell that I’m being persecuted for being white and male, straight and of European descent. Seems like these days the only people getting Medicaid and Food Stamps are anybody that isn’t me. It just ain’t right. It just ain’t fair. If anybody needs a break, it’s us Caucasian country club boys.

Sure, it may look to some that we’re the 1%, rich as Midas, getting all the tax breaks, but lemme tell ya a little secret: it’s lonely at the top. Look at Trump, how many hate the guy. And why? For being rich. And white. And male. Think how he feels, the most despised person in the world. The only folks who like him are, well, white, and male, and rich. Okay, even some of the poor like him. If they’re white and male and straight. And some of the women too, if you want to know the truth, if you can even handle the truth. If they’re white and evangelical.

Lately we’ve been inundated with everything from the #MeToo Movement to Black Lives Matter. The immigrants even want to point accusing fingers at us white guyz. And now the gays and the transgenders. They want to use my bathroom, for godsake. How am I spozed to take a piss with some character who might be half a woman watching from her stall? The Bible didn’t say God was created in her image, let me tell you straight up. Check it out for yourself, Trump’s favorite book. Mike Pence wouldn’t be caught dead with a straight woman much less one with what he has between his legs. Not that I’ve given a lot of thought to what the Vice President has between his legs … trust me on that too. Straight as an arrow, that’s me. Whiter than white. And persecuted for it!!

No, I missed the Straight Pride march. But I sure am glad my fellow Aryan brothers organized it. Let the losers call us Nazis, maybe it’s time to take a stand. We’re rapidly becoming the minority in America. It isn’t right. What’s the point of being the 1% if folks don’t fear us? If money can’t buy happiness, why do these people want to take it away from us?

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