The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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So maybe you read about the self-proclaimed shaman who claimed to have boiled bear urine that inadvertently started the fires in California’s national forests. If not, you must be getting all your news from the National Enquirer and Qanon, the rest just not believable. In which case you know that those fires were started by Jews using lasers from outer space. Me, I’m just trying to keep myself tethered to the planet these days now that logic and science are relegated to the dustbin of history. Another few months of Covid deniers and I might be boiling bear urine myself.

Although … I’m not really certain how you obtain bear urine. Seems like a dangerous undertaking and if you were capable of getting samples for distilling, you’d think building a safe fire might be child’s play. Course, I don’t know how shamans operate, maybe fire is a bridge too far. This particular witch doctor was carrying CO2 canisters and lighters plus a leafy material that no doubt was an herbal potion, but she couldn’t get a fire started, she said, so she just drank the bear urine without purifying it, then got her corporeal body entangled in brush and had to call the fire department to extricate her. Maybe not the best shaman you’ve come across, but then, how many do you really know?

I’m really glad I’m not one of the folks whose home was incinerated started by a shaman practicing bear urine distillation. An act of God, okay, but not some stoned pyro boiling bat heads and eye of newt. Some guy tailgated me for miles today going into town, then, just as we crested a small hill, ignored the no pass lines and aimed his Honda right at a line of cars at least six or seven deep, trying to shoot by me, so that all of us headed for the shoulders to let him rocket past. Ten miles later I’m still right behind him, lives risked for no speedier arrival in Stanwoodopolis. I suppose he might think too he has magical powers. All I can figure is he drank the bear urine too. I’m hoping this isn’t going viral. At least until they announce on Fox News that it’s a cure for Covid and traffic gridlock. Pity the poor bears….

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