The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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Judging by the outcries from the GOP primary candidates who didn’t win their elections, citing voter fraud, ballot tampering, alien abductions and Satanic interventions, it’s increasingly clear to all but those living under rocks in this country that there’s really no point holding elections.  Let’s just assume the Republican candidate won.  If there are two Republicans, well now, that’s a dilemma.  Pretty obviously the dead are voting (for Democrats), the voting machines are rigged (in Democratic precincts), the ballots are being tampered with (by Democrats), illegals are voting in vast numbers (only for Democrats) and foreign countries are manipulating the computer results (always in the Democrats’ favor).  Any fool can see that!  And trust me, there are plenty of fools out there.

I gotta say, fair play and good sportsmanship used to be prized in America.  We didn’t really like folks who swept the chessboard off the table just before checkmate because it seemed, well, unseemly, maybe even petty and impolitic.  Those days, needless to say, are long gone.  Now the Republicans are, like the President-in-Exile, declaring fraud prior to the elections, no doubt relying on evidence that must be withheld from courts and the public, evidence that needs no proof, just good common horse sense.  If Tucker Carlson says there’s fraud, that’s plenty good enough for the rest of us.

So obviously to anyone with two good eyes and a nose for cheating, elections no longer make sense.  Republicans would win every time if they were fair and square, but they’re not!  Republicans never lose in a fair fight, never!  It’s like a law of physics, just not written down.  If their opponent wins, they cheated.  Period.  End of discussion.  Confiscate the ballots, send the National Guard to secure those voting machines, recount and recount until the lost votes are found.  Republicans never lose.

So why are we wasting our time holding elections in the first place?

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