The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Yesterday I saw where the meat industry and the cattle rustlers had joined forces to lobby for legislation that would effectively prohibit the vegetarian crowd from labeling their garden fixins as ‘meat’. Impossible Burgers, Beyond Meat, etc, all made from peas and carrots, blended with secret spices and god only knows what else, to taste like hamburger would be banned from advertising as some sort of faux meat. Same tactic as the dairy industry going after soy ‘milk’ and almond ‘milk’ and polyester milk or any other goop not using a cow’s udder.

Now you ask me, and I know you wouldn’t dream of it, meat has been tampered with anyway. You think a Big Mac is pure meat? My milk has sugar and vitamins and who knows what else added. Is it still milk? Do I think soy milk is milk or are we consumers so addled by Trump that we just believe everything we’re told now? Beyond Meat sort of declares right out of the rodeo chute that it isn’t meat, it’s beyond that stuff. Impossible Burgers, same thing.

So just in case you did decide to come to me for nutritional advice, me being the Picture of Health, I volunteered to be the guinea pig for these new vegetarian products. Yep, I bought a package of Beyond Burgers and I also bought a package of ground sirloin, made a few patties and grilled them to South End perfection on the grill. I admit, I figured the faux meat would be like a tofu turkey dog or a boca-burger of mushrooms and soy pellets, not real tasty unless you were living in South Sudan, not the South End. But … lemme tell ya. I see now why the cattle industry and the meat packers are clamoring to put the skids on these burgers. They not only tasted as good as my sirloin hamburger, they tasted better.

And just to put the fear of Oscar Mayer on them, they even had the mouth feel of meat right down to something that simulated bits of gristle. You wouldn’t guess in a blind taste test, these weren’t meat. Peas mostly. Just like hamburger. Don’t ask me how they do it, maybe we wouldn’t even want to know any more than we want to watch sausage production. But yeah, the meat industry ought to be afraid, very afraid.

I mean, c’mon, wouldn’t half of us switch to something healthier than red meat if it tasted the same or better and was actually good for you? Wouldn’t the folks concerned about farting cows and global warming rush to the Impossible Burger in a stampede? You bet your colonoscopy they would! Where’s the beef now, Wendy?

Give it a try, is all I’m asking. And pay no attention to the pop-up ads on this blog site for similar product lines. Not my doing….

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