The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

As the Pandemic worms its way into our consciousness, it might be time to reflect on what we’ve learned thus far. If you watched the President in his last couple of fireside chats, assuring us that we have nothing to fear except maybe the fear of Fauci’s Facts, you learned that the virus was foreign, not American. Which, no doubt, is why he closed the border to European travelers. This coronavirus wasn’t really much worse than a cold or the annual flu (which kills plenty more Americans than Covid-19) and so he recommended we suck it up and go into work where we could keep the engines of the mightiest economic engine in the history of the world grinding away.

The President brought in a few of the corporate giants to help him make the point that shaking hands was okay, no need for tests even if we had tests and we would certainly have tests very very soon, except Doc Fauci said we wouldn’t, and the tests we wouldn’t have would generously be conducted in drive-thru Walmart parking lots or other corporate giants’ parking lots, thank you from the American people, thank you very much. Google itself would be setting up a website for all of us, be up and running tomorrow with all relevant information on this pandemic thingy, great people, the Google people, very grateful us, the nation, thank you for the algorithms. Google did put out a statement that unfortunately, no, it would take some time to get that up and running. More than a day, Mr. Prez, actually more than a week, maybe longer. Probably should have offered information and advice at the press conference. But we all have confidence in American corporate leadership, thank you, thank you very much.

Would he himself be tested, he was asked. No, he was in good shape, tip top shape, nothing wrong with him. Couldn’t he unknowingly be a carrier, after all, he’d been exposed to someone who tested positive. Sure, he said, he’d get tested. His doctor later stated that no, he wouldn’t be tested, didn’t need to be. A few hours later the Prez announced he’d been tested. Negative. See, he knew it all along. Wasted test. Someone who needed it could have gotten it instead.

Meanwhile schools here have been closed for at least 6 weeks, hospitals are doing triage in the parking lots, restaurants are closing and many are going broke, offices are sending their employees home, concerts and sports tournaments are canceled, the news is nothing but Coronavirus Pandemic. Photos show empty bars, bare shelves at the grocery stores, a buying frenzy for frozen pizzas and toilet paper. State after state has instituted closures and advice, each on its own, sometimes just cities. We didn’t want the federal government in our lives, we got what we wished for. Thank you very much, Mr. President, your work is greatly appreciated. Keep shaking hands at Mar-a-Lago, sir. It instills confidence in the rest of us.

One more press conference from the White House should calm any nerves still frazzled. Hopefully the president’s advisors will discourage further assurances. Nobody needs to hear Jared Kushner is handling this crisis along with all the others he has on his plate.

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I got a buddy who’s been predicting a worldwide economic Armageddon for about a decade now. He prays for it since he’s pulled out of the stock market after the 2008 debacle. What he thinks, what he hopes for, is that a good dose of economic hardship will drag Trump out of office, a result he dearly desires. He’s sitting pretty, pension, big Social Security checks, wife who worked too, plenty of money in the bank. If the little people have to suffer inordinately along with the rich boyz, okay by him. Small price to pay for ridding the country and the world of Donald J. Trump.

This morning the stock market went into such a head-spinning free fall that they closed trading down for a bit, see if that would cool some fevered brains selling like the world was coming to an end. Or coronavirus was about to go Pandemic. Oil prices dropped by a third on news of the virus and also because the Saudis and Putin decided to play chicken with the reserves, see who could outlast the other. As I write this, the Dow Jones is down about 2000 points and still sinking. Oil is closing in on 30 bucks a barrel. Another day of this and gas stations will give free fill-ups if you purchase a drinking glass.

I’m no economist, as you may have surmised over the years, but I know this. No one wants to see another Great Depression, except maybe my buddy. He asked me once what I was doing to protect myself in case his prophesy proved true. He was squirreling silver into deposit boxes, investing in gold, probably burying money out in the backyard. How about you, Skeeter? What’s your fallback?

My fallback? I don’t really think like that. I’m the grasshopper who fiddled away his summers while the ants labored. C’est la vie, I guess is my answer. But, I told my buddy I’d just buy a gun and come and take what he had. You know, if the neighbors hadn’t already cleaned him out by then. Don’t wish for a Depression, we’re all in this jungle together.

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If you’re wasting time reading this instead of fumigating your house and property for coronavirus, you must be one of the countless many who are reassured that the epidemic coming to a town or neighbor near you is in good hands with the new Pandemic Czar, the veep, the man himself, Mike Pence. Sure, he fought the remedies for needle exchanges to reduce HIV back when he was the Guv of Indiana, but that was more about morality and Biblical teachings than it was hardcore science. Mike, in hindsight, probably wishes he’d read the tea leaves of public opinion a bit earlier, but it was Indiana so c’mon, let’s cut him some slack. Unless you’re old enough to remember when he claimed cigarettes didn’t make smokers sick. Doc Pence, faith based prognoses.

I did notice, however, the Prez didn’t call him the Pandemic Czar, that was me. In fact, he’s not really sure this coronavirus, even if he could remember the name correctly, was the real McCoy. Might get worse, might not, who knows? But … just in case, he brought in the Big Dog, Mike. If things go wrong, if things do get worse, if this cold or whatever it is starts killing people, especially people in this country, well, you can’t blame Donald. No, he put his second in command in charge. The buck will stop there.

Sure the Center for Disease Control stated unequivocably the virus was coming, sooner, later, who knows, but it was definitely coming. The President, thinking like his Medal of Freedom recipient, Rush Limbaugh, that this was just another hoax by the media and the leftists, claimed this was the same as that Russian interference stuff. Pandemic? They don’t think so. Fake news? There you go….

Mike stated today that the risk was really pretty low for this colonvirus or whatever the scientists are calling it. No need for panic, not much to be afraid of. He’s meeting with Congress and they’ll work out the details for a budget. If that doesn’t make you afraid, nothing will until bodies are being tossed in corpse carts for incineration down at the crematoriums for the diseased.

But me, why worry? Pence and his task force have the situation well in hand. You know, if they’re right about Rush and his Chicken Little theory…. Otherwise, you may need more than a hepa mask and two months worth of Costco supplies to see you through.

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