The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Lately I’ve noticed my newspapers offering strategies for keeping sequestered rug rats entertained now that schools have been closed and the kids are trapped with their parents. I guess the internet and their Nintendos aren’t enough, although judging from my friends’ grandkids, they could live for years with just a cellphone and maybe food slipped under their doors occasionally. It isn’t the kids we should be worried about, it’s those parents. And … the adults without kids.

This Pandemic is a lot like retirement. No more office, no more commuting, no more friends at work, no more routines. Weekends no longer exist. Movie theaters are shuttered, churches closed, retail stores are boarded up. You can’t even get a cup of coffee at Starbucks unless you want to take it with you and there’s no library that will let you in the door so if you care to read, you better have a decent collection in your bookshelf.

Everyone thinks retirement will be the answer to their miseries. No more crappy job, no more useless work, no more asshole boss. Paradise here we come! And then it’s just home repairs, lawn mowing, laundry, CNN or Fox News running all damn day long, the same churned up rehash spewing from a TV the size of a drive in theater screen. There’s not enough popcorn in the world to make this scenario look good. Paradise? More like the second level of Dante’s Hell. And you better hope you and the mizzus have some love spark left, otherwise, hello alcoholism!

This is the grim reality of the plague. Death by boredom! Course, that’s why I’m here, to help. Skeeter’s Fun Things to Do While Waiting For the Vaccine. Subscribe today and you’ll receive not only my list of hobbies to try out and books online to order from the library, but also daily updates from the White House Covid-19 Task Force, briefings on the current death spikes in states that prefer to ‘live free or die’, reports on pandemic politics and much much more. Of course, you pretty much already get those. In addition, we’ll send you our bestselling brochure: Home Repairs You Can Do Yourself Without Tools, ordinarily a $50 dollar manual for the couchsurfer, yours free with your subscription. But … act now and you’ll receive, at no extra charge, just some minor shipping and handling, our 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of Donald J. Trump at the Mayo clinic, bravely interacting with doctors sans mask, suitable for framing when completed, a wonderful artwork to hang on your wall. And … we’ll send detailed instructions on making that frame. Without tools!

Order today and relax knowing the Pandemic is in good hands. Yours will be busy with other things.

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