The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

The man who addicted the world to caffeine says he’s thinking about running for President. Why not? If we can survive a few years with an ignorant but opinionated bullyboy, we can elect just about anybody for another few years. Congress is deadlocked and has been for quite awhile and will be for a lot longer. The government is running on auto-pilot now, the perfect metaphor for an automated future.

Trump ran multiple bankruptcies on his way to announcing he was the Dealmaker of dealmakers. Schultz bought a basketball team and managed to lose the entire franchise when he sold it to an Oklahoma City huckster. Seattle sports jocks will never forgive him, doesn’t matter how much they like his coffee. Schultz thought his managerial experience would shine right through in his tenure as Head Basketball Boy, an egotistical rich guy’s folly, something akin to thinking real estate deals are primers for world treaties. Still, there are plenty of folks out there in Java Land who might think a mocha magnate is worth a shot or even a double.

Me, I’m tired of billionaire politicians. Okay, probably just green with envy. Who wouldn’t want to spend his life on cellphones and in meetings strategizing how to get a hotel built in Moscow or a Starbucks on every corner in Shanghai? If the bizness of America is selling, these guyz ought to be able to run the country like a used car lot in Hoboken, no problem. The trouble is, a lot of government isn’t about capitalism. I know, this sounds like heresy in this new Gilded Age. As executive chairman at STARBUCKS CORP, Howard Schultz made $17,980,890 in total compensation. Of this total $807,693 was received as a salary, $843,750 was received as a bonus, $8,096,499 was received in stock options, $7,893,379 was awarded as stock and $339,569 came from other types of compensation. This information is according to proxy statements filed for the 2017 fiscal year. But take a look at this and then what he paid his employees, then tell me these are the CEO’s we want being President or filling cabinet posts. And the last thing I need is a double shot expresso of that right now.

And yeah, I know, money talks and bullshit walks in corporate America. Although lately it seems like both are doing a lot of talking. Personally I think a politician ought to learn some governing skills, you know, little things like managing a city or maybe even a state, at least do some time in a legislature and learn the ropes. If all you can show on your resume is your big fat bank account, c’mon, you wouldn’t hire yourself as a barista. And you certainly wouldn’t make yourself manager of the joint. Even if you are the damn owner.

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