The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I just read a poll that found that 84% of us adults believe the world is round. Which, if my math is correct, means 16% of us Americanos aren’t so sure. Might be it’s trapezoidal. The Millenials, those folks 18-24 years of age, clocked in with 66% pretty sure the planet wasn’t flat, but 4 % were convinced it is. More than half of the Flatlanders declared they were ‘very religious’.

NASA was created to keep the truth from ever coming out. Billions were spent to fake a moon landing, photos from outer space were doctored, the government wants to hoodwink us into believing the Earth is round. We’ve been brainwashed! All these years we were taught the early explorers sailed ‘around’ the world when actually they must have circled back to the other side. And now scientists say the planet is warming and the seas will rise up and we need to do something about it before it’s too late! Ha, the water will just run off the edges, don’t you see? Open your eyes!! It’s the researchers and scientists who are trying to protect their jobs at any cost to the rest of us.

What an incredible conspiracy! We were right to send Galileo to the Inquisition for blasphemy. Any fool can walk down the road and feel how flat the surface is. And it must be perfectly level, not tilted, or we would slide right off the edge with all the melted glaciers. It must be pretty thick too; otherwise, how would gravity hold us down? Unless … right! Gravity is a hoax too! Isn’t it obvious?

I remember when the Comet Kehoutek was coming, about 1973, and folks were gathering to board, believing they would be journeying to … well, a better world, or Nirvana, or someplace else anyway. They were True Believers but the comet still didn’t stop to pick them up. The disappointment must have been great, but I suspect it didn’t make them question their assumptions, probably just picked up some folks on Venus by mistake. Next time they’ll get the itinerary down with a little more precision.

It’s tempting to apply these polls to politics, see if there’s any correlation. But you know, and I do too, it’s just fake facts, phony statistics and more government meddling in your life. Best to just ignore this stuff and hope the world keeps spinning … and doesn’t tilt on its side.

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