The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I’m just coming up to speed with the WOKE offensive, the front line of the bitter Culture Wars now, evidently. The Ukraine war has stalled for the foreseeable future, no more classified documents have been found lately in the underwear drawers of past and present presidents lately, so obviously the Tucker Carlsons of the world need new ammo in their endless battle to keep America safe from homos and trans, immigrants and latinx.

M&M’s! Those dancing multi-colored dipped in chocolate cartoon figures with no clothes except for footwear ranging from tennis shoes to cowboy boots. But now, the Mars Company, those WOKE SOB’s have altered some of the shoes. For those like Tucker who analyze every nuance for cultural contamination the way the Taliban check for hidden musical instruments among their minions, the change from high heels on one M&M to sneakers obviously meant those who oppose sexy M&M’s may have won the day, but, BUT, not the war if the Tuckers and the religious fanatics have their way.

Compassionate conservatism — if it ever existed in anyone’s mind but the Bush Dynasty — is dead. The GOP is fighting Disneyland, Hollywood, all the evil forces of Satanic Liberalism that threaten the Old Confederacy, the Southern heroes, the slave owners, racists, sexists, xenophobic yahoos who think Eisenhower was the last enlightened President and Leave it to Beaver was a documentary and the zenith of American values.

Someone needs to explain to Tucker’s listeners that M&M’s are not political, they’re candy. But women and blacks, trans and gays, they’re people. You don’t like it, Afghanistan is the place for you.

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