The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Well, when you corner a feral animal, you need to expect it will show some fangs when you close in on it. The new NRA president, Ollie North, the pardoned criminal of the Iran/Contra scandal, came out swinging when the public outcry pointed accusatory fingers at the hallowed National Rifle Association. Not us, he bellowed, not guns! Ritalin, that’s the culprit. A society that’s drugged its kids and made killers of them.

Ollie’s not alone feeling cornered, snarling at the suggestion their guns will be confiscated by an enraged elitist mob of liberals. Bad school design, some are shouting back. Unarmed teachers in the classrooms! Violent video games and a culture of violence and mayhem! Poor school architecture! Trench coats! Too many doors, too many windows! The answer for most of these cringing curs is more guns. Always more guns. If we only had more, we could stop the bad guys.

Okay, boys, here’s the bad news. We do have more guns. More than any other so-called civilized country in the world, probably more than most of them added together. And in case you haven’t noticed, it doesn’t really seem to quell the violence. The argument that video games are causative, sounds good until you figure kids watch these all over the globe, Canada, Britain, France, Italy, and they don’t seem to run out and shoot up a school every other week. Unarmed teachers? Give me a break. No sane person outside of Texas wants to holster up their elementary school teachers. School architecture? Build concrete and steel schools the way we built Iraq Green Zones blast zones. C’mon, why not just put tractor trailers underground, lock the kids in until 3 PM. Ban trench coats? Wow, why not? Maybe ban long pants and winter jackets too while we’re stripping the children down to their bras and BVD’s.

And Ritalin? Maybe Ollie is on to something here. All those hyperactive Attention Deficit kids mellowed out on Ritalin most of their lives, that must be the answer. Earth to Doctor North, Earth to Doctor North, please come back down here. We promise to take the kids off Ritalin if you’ll do one thing for us. Tell us how a yahoo who waged a secret war in Central America with money from arms sales to Iran has any right whatsoever to lecture us about a culture of violence. Talk about prying a gun out of your cold dead head…. Maybe an IQ test should be required to buy a weapon.

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