The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I’m organizing an exploratory committee to determine the logistics of running for President on the GOP ticket. Why not, everyone else and their 3rd cousin is shooting for the moon, hoping Trump is so under siege with multiple indictments and possibly even incarceration, that the odd man out will become the next candidate for the Republican Party. I’m not going into this naively, don’t even think that for a nano-second. I’m aware that my usual leanings will have to plumb up a bit if this longshot is going to have a snowball’s chance in the hellbroth of today’s politics.

To that end my platform will need to be tweaked a tad. Trans, of course, will now rise to the top of my Greatest Threat to the American Way of White Life. Little girls will no longer have to contemplate suicide worrying about some so-called, maybe not, man coming into their bathroom and scarring them for life. And of course no man turned woman will be allowed to play in the sports of their new gender. In fact, all transgendered people will be required to return to their original sex.

The point here to my future constituents is that I will be running far to the right of my competition. Very far. Guns will be mandatory in every household. Bibles too. Jobs in construction and the service industry will go only to white kids. At a reduced minimum wage. An iron curtain, a Great Wall, will be built not only along the southern border but between us and the lib/woke Canada. America for White Bread Americans, that will be my slogan. All others, those not like us, will be asked to vacate the building. Who needs the complaining?

Welfare and food stamps will be eliminated and those motel and burger flipper jobs will be offered instead. After all, work gives a person dignity. A free lunch sure doesn’t. Rather than waste the country’s time which could be better spent on listening to podcasts debating which books should be banned in our libraries, I will simply ban libraries, saving taxpayers fortunes in wasted money. My first act in office should you, the happily unwoke, elect me, will be to close down Disneyland and Disneyworld. Mickey has had a long enough run. Time to move on.

And, of course, count on me to pardon Donald J. Trump and eliminate the weaponized Department of So-called Justice. The man has suffered enough. We’ll let the local police handle things from here on out. I think you can plainly see, I’m the far right candidate for these right wing times. Victory will be ours … if we can stop the opposition from voting. And after all, isn’t that the American Way?

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