The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Down at the Pilot Lounge a few nights ago us layabouts were debating the possibility that the hurricanes menacing Florida were actually engineered by the government. Gregory, our amateur meteorologist and rabid Trump supporter, had been mercilessly ridiculed when he stated that it was 99% certain Biden had commanded these storms be set in motion. “You idiots ever heard of seeding the clouds?” he wanted to know of us jackals. “Why do you think the rain was so heavy, all those floods into North Carolina? They got the technology. Wake up!”

“Give me a break, Greg,” Ralph said. “We’re talking a hurricane, not a shower. No way they’re able to stir up a storm that size. You better slow down on those beers.” Two Toke, who up to this point had kept his sarcasm to a minimum, finally had to get his two cents in and said to Greg, “aren’t you the guy who thinks climate change couldn’t possibly be caused by humans? But now the government controls the weather?”

Gregory was unperturbed. “Two different things, Tom. Global warming is a natural phenomenon, got nothing to do with us. You been listening to all that left wing propaganda, buddy, maybe time to turn it off. Climate changes all the time, with or without us.”

Ralph howled. “Why don’t we get the government to turn down the heat, then?” To which Gregory replied, “Don’t be dumb. Seeding clouds is one thing, heat’s another. You think the sun has a thermostat?” Little Jimmy said, “why don’t we try turning the heat down right here? You got your opinion, we got ours.” Ralph spluttered. “One opinion is totally cockamamie, Jimmy. Not like we should respect it cause it’s an opinion. Stupid is stupid.”

“I spoze you figure the forest fires were started with lasers from the Space Station,” Jerry chimed in from behind the bar. He was tonight’s bartender and usually stayed out of our debates as much as possible. Guess he just felt like fanning the flames. Fairlane Fred declared that the fires weren’t started by the damn government, it was the Jews.

“God almighty, Freddie, where do you guyz get this stuff,” Ralph asked, “out of the comic section?”

“Read the news, Ralphie Boy,” Fred shot back, “and get your facts straight. In fact, I’ll send you a link or two, might open your eyes.”

In the end, after a few more rounds, the atmosphere of the Pilot Lounge grew foggier and foggier. Was it man made? Was it a government conspiracy? Did it really matter? The usual agreement to disagree was decided on, feelings were hurt, apologies never materialized. It was, after all, a typical night at the Lounge. Most of us could hardly wait til the coming election.

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Odds are you were like me, just get past the elections, get to the Inauguration, let the fetid dismal fog clear and maybe, just maybe, we could get back to some semblance of sanity in this country. The emperor without clothes would slither back to his golf course and his reign of terror would end. Okay, it’s been less than two weeks and from my vantage point down here at the bottom of the food chain, not much has changed. Oh sure, we got a new leader and yeah, the Senate flipped, signs of optimism if you’re not a Qanon Kool-Aid addict who thinks the inauguration was photoshopped and Trump is still president and will be recrowned king very very soon. Course, some of those Qanon addicts are now in the Congress.

The enemy is within. And Trump has decamped to his Mar-a-Lago golf compound to receive kisses and condolences from his old pal Minority Leader McCarthy who hopes to mend fences and keep the masses restive without going full berserk. Obviously the little incident in the Capitol Building a few weeks back has receded to nothing more than an amusing anecdote for the Republicans, children acting out, no need to worry. That Hang Pence talk was just good sport. Nothing to do with the stolen election that D.J. Trump won by huge margins ….

Yesterday I was surprised to learn that the forest fires in California were actually started by Jews firing lasers from outer space. Although later I heard that no, they weren’t started by the Jews, they were actually started by Elon Musk. It’s hard to get accurate information, apparently, in this brave new world of technological marvels. Rep. Greene from upstate Georgia has suggested the best way to deal with Nancy Pelosi is to put a bullet in her head. If you thought Congress might sanction this dangerous assassination talk, you’ve been asleep the past decade or three. The days of dealing with Richard Nixons are long gone. Say hello to government by the Three Stooges. Poke em in the eye, smack em with a hammer, put a bullet in her head, it’s all good fun. The barbarians are at the gate, the lasers are aimed at Smokey the Bear, the truth is out there somewhere but I guarantee you most folks won’t find it.

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