The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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As the Pandemic worms its way into our consciousness, it might be time to reflect on what we’ve learned thus far. If you watched the President in his last couple of fireside chats, assuring us that we have nothing to fear except maybe the fear of Fauci’s Facts, you learned that the virus was foreign, not American. Which, no doubt, is why he closed the border to European travelers. This coronavirus wasn’t really much worse than a cold or the annual flu (which kills plenty more Americans than Covid-19) and so he recommended we suck it up and go into work where we could keep the engines of the mightiest economic engine in the history of the world grinding away.

The President brought in a few of the corporate giants to help him make the point that shaking hands was okay, no need for tests even if we had tests and we would certainly have tests very very soon, except Doc Fauci said we wouldn’t, and the tests we wouldn’t have would generously be conducted in drive-thru Walmart parking lots or other corporate giants’ parking lots, thank you from the American people, thank you very much. Google itself would be setting up a website for all of us, be up and running tomorrow with all relevant information on this pandemic thingy, great people, the Google people, very grateful us, the nation, thank you for the algorithms. Google did put out a statement that unfortunately, no, it would take some time to get that up and running. More than a day, Mr. Prez, actually more than a week, maybe longer. Probably should have offered information and advice at the press conference. But we all have confidence in American corporate leadership, thank you, thank you very much.

Would he himself be tested, he was asked. No, he was in good shape, tip top shape, nothing wrong with him. Couldn’t he unknowingly be a carrier, after all, he’d been exposed to someone who tested positive. Sure, he said, he’d get tested. His doctor later stated that no, he wouldn’t be tested, didn’t need to be. A few hours later the Prez announced he’d been tested. Negative. See, he knew it all along. Wasted test. Someone who needed it could have gotten it instead.

Meanwhile schools here have been closed for at least 6 weeks, hospitals are doing triage in the parking lots, restaurants are closing and many are going broke, offices are sending their employees home, concerts and sports tournaments are canceled, the news is nothing but Coronavirus Pandemic. Photos show empty bars, bare shelves at the grocery stores, a buying frenzy for frozen pizzas and toilet paper. State after state has instituted closures and advice, each on its own, sometimes just cities. We didn’t want the federal government in our lives, we got what we wished for. Thank you very much, Mr. President, your work is greatly appreciated. Keep shaking hands at Mar-a-Lago, sir. It instills confidence in the rest of us.

One more press conference from the White House should calm any nerves still frazzled. Hopefully the president’s advisors will discourage further assurances. Nobody needs to hear Jared Kushner is handling this crisis along with all the others he has on his plate.

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