The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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I want to clear the air of some serious misconceptions about my plea for donations to buy a jet that can reach my followers in the extreme corners of the earth spreading the Word of Skeeter, doing Good Works. Some of the yammering critics, no doubt liberal elitists driving around in fancy Teslas and Lexuses, have spread the faux news that I have three jets already. Believe me as ye believe IN me, I haven’t got three jets. I have a pickup truck about 8 years old with two bullet holes in the passenger door panel that aren’t actually bullet holes, they just look like bullet holes. You spread the Holy Word of the Church of the Profane, trust me, heathens will come out of the woods to attack old Rev. Skeeter. The truth would set them free, but some folks, not you folks of course, some folks just don’t want to be free.

Just another reason to help me purchase that luxury jetliner. You’d need a surface to air missile to attack the Reverend then! And if that ever happens, I’ll just step it up another notch and see about one of those Space X reusable rockets Elon Musk is building. Closer to Heaven! Closer to Heaven!

So no, I do not have 3 jets. Sorry to disappoint my detractors. I don’t even have 3 trucks. And if you help me with this turbo prop jet, I promise I’ll donate my truck to a worthy cause, how’s that? The Lord helps those who help themselves, we prosperity pastors like to say. We like to say it a whole lot. Almost a mantra if we were Buddhists or something goofy like that. But of course we’re not. We’re simple preachers, trying to spread the News in this era of Faux News, and hoping to show, by example, how the Lord showers his blessings on the Deserving. And you need to know, the donations you give will return to you a hundred fold. I know, it sounds counter-intuitive, but Faith will guide you and keep you. Blessings, my flock!

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