The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

As you may have read doomscrolling through your Qanon feed, the Lizard People are among us. These alien reptiles, according to very reputable sources on the internet sites that were created to warn the unsuspecting prey in our naïve ranks, have infiltrated Hollywood and the governments of the world. Bob Hope, according to the Lizard experts, was one of them. So is Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush. Hillary and Bill Clinton too. Henry Kissinger might not be a surprise to some of you, but he’s an alien reptile as well.

These extraterrestrial human imposters are so deeply entrenched in our society it’s nearly impossible to distinguish them from the tail-less ordinary lizards who make your everyday life a living hell. The deep state existed long before our present era, let me tell you. Freemasons, you bet, all lizards from beyond the galaxy. Illuminati, bet your scales on them being monsters from Mars! In fact, the penetration of these flesh eating Silurians into our governments and our entertainment industry is so pervasive, it’s difficult, if not damn near impossible, to tell the aliens from the two legged humans they impersonate.

What is so manifestly needed here is a Guide to Lizard People Identification. You need to know if that person next to you in the Safeway line, the one who refuses to wear a plague mask, is actually just a Trump supporter who thinks the election was rigged and the virus is a hoax, not a flesh eating reptilian who isn’t buying groceries for dinner because he’s got a pantry full of your neighbors. You need to know the difference, my friend.

The Democrats who abduct children for their sexual pleasure and their beastly appetites, at first glance might seem prime candidates for Lizard classification. But as you know, they have a secret basement in the one story pizza joint in D.C. A little too obvious, don’t you think? The last thing they would do is set up shop in a pizza parlor with menu items like spleen of Mormons or tongue of Caucasians. Think about it, these aren’t stupid geckos, they’re interplanetary travelers. No, those Democrats are ordinary folks just like you and me … with peculiar tastes.

How about Mitch McConnell, you ask? Looks like a turtle, slinks around on his scaly belly, does untold harm to the human race. Afraid not, once again. Just your run-of-the-mill self-serving politician. He eats flies for breakfast, not humans. In other words, sometimes diet is an indicator. Not those Democrats, however, who do eat human flesh, but I didn’t say this would be clear cut, now did I?

Long forked tongues make for quick ID. And scales behind their ears if you care to get close enough to look, which I don’t advise. Claws instead of fingernails are pretty good clue. And hissing sounds, a real tell-tale. Check for a secondary eyelid and for vertical pupils, almost always a positive identifier. Tailored clothes to hide a prehensile tail isn’t as clear cut, but combined with other known traits, it’s useful information. A double row of razor sharp teeth are a give-away if the reptiles unclench their scowl, which is not often.

I know you want to ask if the Trump is one of them. Some say he’s the alpha lizard, but before you make a rash judgement, consider this. Qanon has identified him as the hero crusader who will save planet Earth from these flesh eating monsters. My own take is a bit more measured. I don’t think he’s completely human, but I can’t, with certainty, declare him a Lizard Person. A lizard, yes, but not the extra-terrestrial kind. I could be wrong.

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