The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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It’s only been six years since Inauguration Day. Oh, wait, six months. That feel like six years. And already the Comb-over-in-chief is examining whether or not he can pardon his family and friends and possibly himself for the inevitable verdicts that are coming down the pike faster than jobs are leaving the country. You have to keep pinching yourself to see if this is all some weird dream, something you’ll wake up from and find Hillary Clinton in the White House. Benghazi Benghazi, the war chant of the same folks who can’t find it in their conscience to demand much of anything when it comes to Trump’s malfeasance. Lock her up! Lock her up!

Keep pinching yourself, it isn’t Hillary who’s headed for prison. And yeah, the guy who will be is already looking for his escape route. You can lie all you want selling real estate and name brand to the money boyz in New York and Moscow, but lying under oath, especially to the FBI and the Special Prosecutor, good luck with that. Ask Bill Clinton. Sexual dalliance is one thing, but lying won’t cut it. Give him credit, though, he never planned to pardon himself. That tactic is reserved for the doomed and Bill was never one to see himself as the victim. Donald, oh yeah, he sees himself as something he never dreamed, the recipient from a thousand bullies’ attacks. So unfair! Bad!

The noose is tightening every day and you can hear the screams of anguish from the White House at 4 a.m. every morning clear out here on the Left Coast. The legal beagles he’s hired evidently didn’t counsel him to stay quiet on the subject of executive pardons. He might as well stop tweeting now and plead the fifth, ditch the attorneys and save some time and money. Nobody who is innocent would be considering pardoning himself, let’s quit fooling ourselves. A written confession might be slightly more damning, but in the absence of that or Mueller’s future indictments, I think a jury of his peers will need pardoning too, but for the jury of us citizens, the only question now is the sentencing.

Personally, I’d be okay with a pardon. Just leave office in Abject Shame, the Trump brand forever synonymous with Lying Loser. Send him back to his gold palace and ban him from public appearances for the rest of his self-absorbed days. Put an asterisk in the history book in the blank space for 43rd President of the United States. * Unindicted Co-conspirator. Pardoned by Himself. No Memorable Legislation.

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There’s a lot of chatter lately about removing the Mad King from office. Insanity, they say, is grounds for dismissal. The Democrats mostly want the Presidency restored to its former glory, made great again, the Republicans are afraid the Trumpster’s constituency will come after them with pitchforks and Confederate flags. I hate to admit it, but the GOP have a well-grounded fear of reprisal. We all should.

Half this Land of the Free Home of the Brave voted for this guy, not because they didn’t understand the crudity of the real estate developer, not because they thought he would be high minded, not because they couldn’t see he was a pussy grabbing dog whistler. He told you so himself. He went before the Christian Right and professed his sins, not confessed them. They went right ahead and voted for the sinner. Anyone who thought he would change his ways once he was elected probably had bought a bridge from him in New Jersey. The rest of us knew what we were getting.

So now we got what we were getting. Hell no, I don’t like it. Hell yes, I’d like to jerk the jerk right out of the White House, haul him up on any and all charges Mueller can make stick and hope Mike Pence doesn’t offer clemency under the bogus defense that it would irrevocably cripple the nation. Mike Pence doesn’t give a fig in Hades about what would hurt the nation. He’s a lap dog with ambitions to be the lap. Personally, I’ll take the Mad King.

But here’s the deal, artless or no: the citizens of this experimental democracy voted in a vicious little nutcase. They listen to hot talk radio and read faux news that says the real news is phony. They believe what they want to believe and how do you convince them otherwise? It isn’t quite the definition of crazy, but it’s close enough for me. We elected the Man of Our Times. Crass, sexist, narcissistic, oh cripes, why list them again, the huckster is known to all of us. He’s the sinister little voice in the back of our heads that whispers go ahead, do what you want, anything goes, there’s no punishment, just reward. Lash out, you’ll feel better. Knock the old lady to the sidewalk, she’s been asking for it. Never ever pull your punches, that’s for losers. It’s dog eat dog, baby, and you better sharpen the canines.

The 25th Amendment as a remedy for this? C’mon, you’ll need an amendment to stop the ignorant from voting. Welcome to democracy circa 2017. Welcome to the New America. You huddled masses, if you’re tired or poor, it’s your own fault, go home or shut up.

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Michael Steele, former Republican National Committee Chairman, when asked why no one wanted to work in the White House, said he didn’t expect Trump to finish his first term in office and that his ‘clients’ should look forward to Vice President Pence’s ascension to the throne. Why? Because, he said, no one wants to work for ‘crazy’. This is harsh news for the Prez. More faux news, maybe, or just another Republican calling the kettle black, hard to tell.

But the buzzards are circling, Donald, and not just the FBI. Who knows, maybe they’ll drag you out in a strait jacket, not handcuffs. You can plead insanity. If I were on that jury, and please, God, put me on that jury, I’d find it a plausible defense. I might be inclined toward leniency, something like 20 years of public service. Real public service, Mr. President, not Self Service. But I wouldn’t bet on my fellow jurors feeling so compassionate. Treason, after all, even if it’s only for profit, not politics, is a vile crime and when you’re hauled in for those Russian payoffs, you and your son-in-law and a few accomplices, don’t count on me to step in front of the lynch mob arguing that they should pity you because you’re batshit crazy.

No, high crimes and treason do not engender compassion or forgiveness. You fooled a lot of us a lot of the time, but those times are over soon. I don’t really know how federal prison works things, but maybe they’ll let you Tweet once a day. You can profess ignorance, you can cry foul, you can howl that justice was not served. You can hire the best attorneys money can buy. You can hope to get your case taken to the Supreme Court where you got a Justice or two on the bench. But it won’t help. Crazy, isn’t it?

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The Prezident is squealing and boo-hooing that he’s the most picked-on politician in American history. The bully pulpit, I guess, but now the bully is getting a dose of his own medicine and he doesn’t much like it. He sez the liberals and the lying press are on a Witch Hunt to bring him down. He sez it’s So Unfair. He wants them to leave him alone. This from the man who treated the press and the media the way you’d treat your worst enemy. Little wonder, eh, the worm has turned.

Being president, who knew it would be so complicated, so hard, so not fun??? Well, everybody but him, it looks like. It could make me believe in Karma watching the Birther Boy wiggle on his own petard. He’s not the only president I haven’t liked, but he’s the first one who deserves to be flagellated in public, whipped like a vicious dog and then put in a cage where he’s rendered harmless. Harsh, I know, but the man made the New Rules and he should accept the wisdom of the mob. After all, he whipped them into a frenzy.

Lock Her Up!? No, Don, Lock YOU Up!! The court of public opinion can turn on a dime, friend, but Real Wrath belongs not to the Lord but to the Deceived. They may be Dumb but all the worse when they realize you conned them with Snake Oil and rotten bile milked from their own despair. They’ll drop your sorry self into a coal mine and block the entrance to keep from hearing these pathetic whinings of yours. The Wilderness is coming, Rich Boy and it won’t have a gold TRUMP over the boulders at the shaft.

History belongs to the Winners, Donald, but it will be a cruel and implacable Judge when your return comes up, a lesson for the kids. We can tolerate a Nazi, we can accept nepotism, we can embrace outright greed, we can even stomach a Total Idiot. But a liar? You made Nixon look honest and Clinton seem moral, but you wouldn’t know the difference. Lock him up! Lock him up!

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