The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

No doubt a lot of you South Enders are considering dressing the kids up in spooky Halloween gear this festive holiday. William Barr big and tall suits, Lindsay Graham chameleon outfits, Mitch McConnell Moscow Mitch garb complete with sable fur hat, Mike Pence robot costume with the fake smile and dead eyes. Used to be we just went as skeletons and ghosts, but they wouldn’t scare a mom on meth these days. Heroin addict with the phony needle stuck out an arm, nope, too commonplace. Franklin Graham with a scratch n sniff Bible, uh-uh, the evangelists only scare their flock these days. Rudy Giuliani with the Humpback of Notre Dame slouch, that should scare the kiddies. If not, try the Kellyanne Conway mask with the vampire teeth. Looks frighteningly real. For a zombie.

It’s trick or treat every day in Trump’s America. Tricks if you’re worried about the demise of democracy, treats if you think the government needs to be flushed down a toilet. There’s really not much in the middle. Instead of moving the outhouse back a few feet we have new pranks to raise the hair on the unsuspecting. How about pulling troops out of Syria without any preparation whatsoever or consultation with the generals or the State Department? If that didn’t scare you, this might dirty your diapers: try to make a deal with a country under attack from the Russians, hold up their military assistance mandated by Congress, in exchange for help finding something, anything, to smear Biden and his kid.

Quid pro quo — which is scarier, the Latin or the reality? Half the folks you knock on their door with your pillowcase half full of emoluments wouldn’t know a quid from an octopus, no problem with their President looking out for himself against the corruption of Hillary and Uncle Joe. Bad people. Benghazi. Now there’s a spook house, Benghazi. Full of goblins and Moslems and who knows what else in there. Haunted as hell. Just the name, just saying it out loud one million times, scares the bejabbers out of people. So what if they couldn’t tell you where Benghazi was, is, or who. Was Benghazi a terrorist leader? Frankenstein’s brother? A pandemic disease? Yikes! Benghazi is coming, Benghazi is coming!! Lock the doors, pull the shades. Nobody home, go away, please go away….

The night is full of bogey-men, best to stay home, turn off the fake news. If the pranksters light a bag full of dog doo on your porch, let it burn. What have you got to lose, right? Around the South End, back up the hollers where folks have kids and the houses are still affordable, the yards are littered with plastic gravestones and giant spiders, the dead rising from between the abandoned bikes and broken toys, the cobwebbed trees without leaves now looking skeletal and creepy, Halloween is here a month early. Up the road where the gated folks hide behind keycoded gates, the Trump 2020 signs, like autumn mushrooms after a cold rain, push up into view, no candy here, kids, we’re keeping it all for ourselves.

This year I’m thinking of chaining their gates, multiple locks, titanium chain. Lock em in!, Lock em in! They’ll regret not having an outhouse…..But they got one in the White House.

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