The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Over in leftist Europe a Dutchman has petitioned his government for the right to change his age. Why not, he says, when you can change your sex? Sure, it’s tempting to go back to diapers and start over, maybe change your parents too while you’re at it, get a fresh run at childhood, adolescence, adulthood. The Dutchman really mostly wants to be able to date younger women but who are we to judge? He wants to change his age from 69 to 49. Figures the chicks will go for that ….

I’m going to be 69 in a few months. Or 49, depending on how this guy does in Dutch court, see if he sets a global precedent. My IQ has been dropping over the years, why not correlate that with my age? I’ve alerted my plastic surgeon and ordered a year’s supply of generic Viagra. Got myself a personal trainer and haven’t breathed a word to the mizzus. If this works out, maybe next birthday I’ll apply to my old high school and see if I can work my way into the popular crowd with the benefit of hindsight. Might skip a couple or seven of the dead end jobs I had in my youth, might even go back to college and get a degree that would make me employable. Course, chances are I wouldn’t get into the In Crowd and even more likely I’d fritter away my college years same as I did before.

Plus, I’d lose Medicare. All my life I had health insurance that cost a king’s ransom and offered only ‘catastrophic’ coverage. Kinda hate to go back to those days, especially since my 49 year old bones still feel like 69. And I would hate to leave the mizzus stuck in old age while I’m cavorting like a Millenial, just doesn’t seem fair, probably not right. Plus, that IQ keeps dropping. If I added all those extra years to my longevity, jeez, by the time I hit the next 69, I’d be about as smart as my old dog was, not very.

So maybe I need to rethink this, you know, while I still can. Best case, maybe wait until we can petition the courts to raise our IQ’s.

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