The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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Just when you were starting to relax after a year’s paranoia about mutant viruses unleased on us, we get the sunny news that scientists are combining the genes of monkeys and humans. To develop organs for transplanting, we’re told. The same geneticists had tried splicing human cells to pigs and sheep, but none of the resulting embryos had lived longer than 19 days so naturally they turned to our ape cousins, hoping for better results. Gotta love these guyz, never say die. And never worry about unintended consequences either.

Now this might be good news for the chimps (although I sort of doubt it), but all I need these days is a breeding program for half monkey, half humans. I don’t really need any more Proud Boys running around storming the Capitol and trying to kidnap state governors they don’t like. And don’t get me started on that pig/human experiment. I’m trying to put partisan politics behind me for a few years.

I don’t really have anything against my ape cousins, but c’mon, the last thing we need is another minority to discriminate against. Chimera Lives Matter signs on front lawns, not what we want to see. And you know damn well there’ll be some pushback over this, whether or not these hybrids are immigrants or not, whether they can be citizens, can they vote, do we have to pay them minimum wage to pick our tomatoes and work for Amazon. The door is wide open for controversies we’ve scarcely considered.

But of course that won’t stop the mad scientists. No matter if they muddy up the gene pool with tadpoles bearing human heads. I mean, who wouldn’t pass up the chance to win a Nobel Prize with a chimpanzee that could play piano and star on the next generation of Kardashian shows? Give us all a 3-D printer and let us play God for awhile. I sure got some swell ideas of human evolution once I get my hands on a CRISPR gene editing machine that will fit in my shack. Course I don’t have any more monkeys back in the woods, but there are plenty of deer and coyotes. Sure, I’ll make some mistakes, but hey, isn’t that the fun of being a geneticist in the 21st Century. Lately, most of us would think anything would be an improvement after the last couple of elections.

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