The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Call me a cynic and slap me with Greta Thunberg’s last report card, but listening to some guy on NPR who had a startup company whose mission was to counsel folks on their carbon footprints, I felt the way I do when I hear about people who pay money for ‘life counseling’. Probably just entrepreneurial jealousy, wishing I’d thought of it first. Kinda like wanting to be the first used car salesman. Or the guy who sold his art-lined cave to another Neanderthal and took a small fee.

Greenland is melting 7 times faster than it was in the 90’s. I get it, by god, I definitely Get It. The world is going to hell in a hurry. The ocean’s are rising, the hurricanes are wicked stronger, the earth is getting wilder. I don’t need a weatherman to tell me which way the wind blows, it’s blowing down my house, but thanks anyway, Bob.

This tree hugging capitalist figured folks needed a bit of guidance to assist them in navigating the labyrinth of politically correct and green purity avenues that confront and befuddle us modern folks. We’ve fretted nights worrying if we should use plastic or paper, buy organic straws, purchase a hybrid or a full electric vehicle or just walk to town. Should we convert to propane or stick with electric furnaces? Does it make sense to order from Amazon or just shop at the local hardware? Is it better if we order milk in a glass jug and have it delivered? Aluminum or glass? Paper or plastic? Hamburger or Beyond Meat patty? Fly or stay home? Newspaper or internet? Hybrid Prius or 640 horsepower Dodge Charger?

What is an environmentally conscientious yahoo to do? Get a Green Counselor, amigo, that’s what! He can map out a more gas saving route to work than the one you have now. He can tell you to skip having that fifth kid. He can reduce your carbon footprint from Sasquatch to baby print. And … you’ll sleep better knowing that you, one of the billions of people on this warming planet, is doing your bit. Guilt will slide off you like sweat off a Malaysian boat stripper. You may not save the planet, but you will win arguments with your less conscientious pals. And isn’t that worth the money spent?

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