The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

You know we’ve reached the end of our rope when folks start talking about this Covid plague requiring courage in the face of little bitty viruses, maybe time to man up and treat this like a war, meaning, folks go off to fight and we all know many won’t come home. The cure is worse than the disease, they cry. So I figure they’re trapped with the mizzus and the furloughed rugrats, all of them slowly going insane. They can’t even get into a courthouse to file divorce papers. Their backs are against the closet wall and by god, they’re ready for a haircut and they mean right now, mister!

Across the Land of the Free folks are rising up, MAGA hats worn proudly over uncoiffed hair, wrapped in American flags and NRA decals, demanding their kids go back to school. They think the kids are basically immune to the plague and only old farts like me die of it. Put em back in those classes, they’re missing out on some quality education! Overcrowded classrooms?, sneezing on each other?, big deal. Open up America! Liberate Michigan! Stop the Tyranny! Let us shop at the mall!!

Hard times in the Home of the Brave, for sure. If you listened to Fox News, you too might swing Libertarian or just Contrarian, convinced that we could weather a spike in the Covid epidemic, well worth the price of a few friends dying on a faulty ventilator. Convinced probably that Dr.Fauci was involved in a scheme to profit from any vaccine that might be miraculously discovered that would save the world if only every man woman and child were inoculated with two bucks going into Tony’s pocket. A third of Americans think a vaccine already exists and is being withheld from us, probably the same folks who believe Big Foot carries the anti-virus.

If the quarantined fatigued are correct, well, we shot holes in our economy for no good reason. Although I think you know they will have a conspiracy theory for that too, the most likely Deep Staters’ desire to bring on a recession to ruin Trump’s chances at another four fabulous years. But trust me on this, there will be plenty more theories based on Russian bots and Breitbart paranoia. The real pandemic isn’t the Covid virus, it’s the stupid gene.

But if they’re wrong, if we exit the quarantine too early, well, you know and I know, that was probably the Secret Plan all along, catastrophic death counts, hospitals overwhelmed, a global depression, the end of capitalism as we know it. You can’t trust the Deep Staters, you can’t trust anybody! Go outside and prove me wrong. Stay indoors and prove me wrong. Go ask Alice, when she’s 6 feet deep.

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