The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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One of our newspapers gives the Covid stats county by county each and every day. For a long time our county, Island County, had 11 deaths. A few weeks ago it surged to 12. Uh-oh, we thought, the spike has finally hit, time to hunker down even more, avoid all outside human contact, wear a mask even around each other. But then, miraculously, a few days later the number of deaths returned to 11. This week the number suddenly shot up to 13, a percentage rise that looked like Brazil or what’s about to hit Sturgis, South Dakota after the Harley Rally. We started locking the doors, bolting windows and avoiding each other.

The other day I noticed the death toll had reverted back to 11. You can imagine the toll this roller coaster ride is taking on our mental equilibrium, which, in my case at least, was already suffering plague vertigo. What I suspect, and I’m sure my conspiracy theorist cronies will agree wholeheartedly, is that the dead are rising up, returning to life and possibly being secreted away to some Deep State laboratory for further study or horrible experimentation. Or both!! That, or the Covid virus is something that escaped from government labs working on a plague that makes zombies of its victims, probably Republican zombies if my guess is correct.

That’s right, the Undead are going to vote! Mail in, walk in, whatever it takes. And worse, they’re no doubt among us now, infecting the population, killing them then bringing them back to life. Or some semblance of life. Republicanism is the new Zombie-ism. If you don’t believe it, check Qanon for proof. It’s all there, the quotes from doctors at the Z Lab, statistics of the death toll’s shrinking totals, the irrefutable studies by bots in the think tanks, all of it. Don’t just believe me, believe the Q!

The GOP convention is ongoing now. The President promises huuge surprises. I hate to give you a spoiler alert, but … no one will die very long of Covid under his watch. He has the Lazarus Cure, far better than any vaccine that would probably cause autism or worse. The newly undead will be forever grateful as should we. No doubt he’ll have their vote. Undertakers, maybe not.

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