The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

I’m looking out my front window this morning and all I can see is this yellowish haze that is half smoke and half fog and about a third the ground-hugging swamp gas from rumors generated by viral internet addicts. Swirling in this soup of toxic crap is the latest scare: Antifa is starting these fires that are burning up millions of acres in the West. That’s right, urban anarchists are running amok in the grasslands and forests just over the mountains. Evidently, they’re tired of firebombing police stations and tossing Molotov cocktails in unlocked police cars.

I guess it’s time to take the fight to the ranchers and the farmers and the loggers on their own turf, torch their homelands and suffocate the rest of us. You bet. No doubt they had a meeting in their secret hidey-hole in Portland, then fanned out to put a match to the forests of Utah, Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Arizona and California, exactly what you’d expect Antifa to do, right? Right? Go out where nobody lives and burn their cropland. Good thinking, right? Right?

This is what we have now instead of real news. We have idiotic conspiracy theories that offer no proof and certainly no intelligence. I figure the whackjobs who resend these messages from the Russian GRU Fancy Bear military counterintelligence units have no clue that they’re helping the commies sow doubt in our country with their brainless propaganda. The Russians figured us out, apparently. We’re clueless sheep so bored with our lives we have nothing better to do than surf the Net for National Enquirer quality stories that satisfy our pent-up anger and resentment toward … toward … well, most everything.

We’ve lost all perspective. We don’t know our anatomical parts from a hole in the ground. We actually believe there’s a cabal of pederast perverts who kidnap our kids, hide them in a bunker beneath a D.C. pizza joint that doesn’t even have a basement much less a torture chamber, then … my god in heaven! say it isn’t true!! … they eat the kids.

Now, you might ask yourself, if this were true wouldn’t we see milk cartons with a dozen photos of missing children every time we ate our cereal? But no, we don’t ask ourselves. We accept this sick pablum and better yet, we retweet, we forward the email, then we go back for more. Mother of God, what kind of idiots have we spawned out there in La La Land??? Maybe, just maybe, Antifa has the right idea. Burn the damn place down and let’s start over.

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