The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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There’s a bar in Seattle that planned to open its doors at 4 am so patrons can watch a live feed of the royal wedding this morning. Oh sure, I thought about staying up and driving down to catch the marvelous matrimony, but then I decided it’s been, oh, nearly 250 years since we declared independence from the Mother Country, probably enough time to have moved beyond fealty to the Crown. Not that I wouldn’t love to know what the royal couple wore and watch the play by play pageantry live on TV.

I’ve never understood the fascination some of us have for the Royals. I don’t even understand why the Brits still keep them on their payroll. Princess Di, Prince Charles and Whats-her-name, the whole inbred bunch all endlessly under the microscope not only in their home turf but here in the land that declared independence. Every wedding, every birth, every scandal. They can knock the latest mass shooting at another high school right off the headline. They can even outshout Trump. Blimey, limey, what’s up with that?

Kings and queens and a joker that’s wild. I gotta thank George Washington for preventing us from reinstating royalty into the American body politic. He could see the national passion for a monarchy and he wanted no part in it, not after fighting the British all those hard years with farmer soldiers who went shoeless in the snows of winter. These were our overlords, our masters, the folks who taxed us without representation, who ran the colonies for their profit. These were our Romans. These were the good folks who waged genocide on the Irish.

Oh, they seem benign now, not the ruthless bastards who made serfs of their minions, who conquered lands near and far, who ruled with a whip hand half the earth. Cute princesses and dashing princes, the telegenic offspring of slave traders and treasure pillagers and outright murderers. What’s not to like? Me, I prefer not to worship our leaders. Trump, of course, thinks he’s King and his family all royalty. And of course there are plenty of us who think a coronation might be in order. Maybe we should teach history again in our schools.

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