The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Golly, the election of 2020 is a long ways off and 2024 is a galaxy far far away. Unless you’re the NRA and the MAGA red hat crowd. The gun lobby is up in arms over Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ criticism of the war in Afghanistan, a war she blames both Dems and GOP for getting us mired in. Grant Stinchfield, who is a host on the TV channel of our fair minded gun lobbying group, said Ocasio-Cortez made him “sick”. “The woman whose Green New Deal promises to figure out a way to handle cows that pass gas, is now crapping on patriotism and of course national security.”

Good quote, Grant! But gee, didn’t the NRA give over 30 million dollars to the guy who said the same thing she did, that the War was a mistake, that both parties screwed up and now we’re headed toward the 3rd decade of a stalemate nobody seems to be able to win. How about Trump, Grant? You boyz helped elect him and now he’s talking about pulling out of both Afghanistan and Iran. Does he make you sick? Or are you farting out the wrong hole?

Ocasio-Cortez, give her credit, has offered herself up as the national lightning rod and she can’t even run for President until 2024. Right now she’s just a freshman legislator, one of over 400, who evidently riles the gun-toters and the coal enthusiasts to a degree that most physicians would prescribe tranqulilizers and high dose statins. The patriots have a problem. Their man is tangled up in blue. Investigations are digging deep into a lot more than Russian collusion now and every man-jack of his supporters know deep in their pea-pickin hearts the fishing expedition is going to haul in the great white whale. They’ll find a way to live with those crimes, maybe even justify them, but probably just blame the FBI, the grand juries, the lying media and the lady with the alligator purse.

That smell, Grant, is not cows passing gas … although you may be right about crapping on patriotism. Hold onto yer hat, pal, the little lady from New York might have a lot to say about guns and gun regulations this coming term. And she might have her finger, not on the triggers, but on the pulse of the nation. You feel sick now, stock up with the Pepto Bismol.

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Maybe we get too much news these days. All of these days, 24/7. All the news fit to tweet. Used to be we just listened to the local gossip over at Tyee Store, find out whose kid was on meth, what daughter was pregnant, whose house was broken into, all the stuff we passed on neighbor to neighbor. Now we’re privy to the goings-on of the Kardashians and R. Kelly. I couldn’t pick any of them out of a line-up, but they sure have name recognition in my news feeds.

Today I was scrolling around the internet, stepping through the cowpie landmines of the Trump Investigations, what promises to be an endless overload of subpoenas, accusations, testimonies, pledges of immunity, conspiracies, denials and … well, you know, the Trump Show — and came across a spat between the Republicans’ newest favorite Satan, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the liberal representative from New York. I figure they must be worried about her greatly, maybe thinking in 6 years she’ll be old enough to run for President so why not start a Hillary-style smear early enough to derail her if she does. The kid barely got sworn in and already she’s a boogie man, even got her own acronym, AOC.

AOC put out a position paper calling for a New Green Deal. Or a Green New Deal. Something like that. Bundled up climate change with income inequality and scared the bejeezus out of the conservatives. Jerry Falwell’s kid, J.F. Junior, called her stupid and a liar, then invited her to speak at his bastion of evangelical purity, Liberty College, his Dad’s madrasa, a school so right wing it booted out the College Democrats, “a club whose parent organization stands against the moral principles held by Liberty University.” Tough standards, J.F.

Turns out that when AOC mentioned cutting back on meat production, cows being a major source of methane gas release, Jerry Junior took major umbrage. He’s got a herd of the farting beasts. “I’ve got a hundred cows. You just let Alexandria Cortez show up at my house and try to take my cows away,” the meat-eating man of God warned. Apparently Jerry J. is auditioning to replace Charlton Heston as Moses. That, or the lead in Planet of the Cows.

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