What dreams are made of — about 50 proof

I got a new neighbor recently who bought the farm next door to us so naturally I wandered over to introduce myself, a one man South End Welcome Wagon he may have mistook for a snoopy neighbor. The 17 acres, barn, shops and 1930’s house went on the block after its previous owner declared bankruptcy for the 3rd time, obviously a slow learner, but like he always told me: No Brains, No Headache. I assume he’s poor now but migraine free. When he went under the last time he owed me a few thousand dollars. I still have a small headache. And trust me, I’m no smarter.

“So what do you do?” I asked my new sharer of a long property line he’s just had surveyed. He’d recently been laid off, he told me, not certain if he was required to testify against himself, maybe plead the 5th. He had a wife, kids in college, another house down in the City. I could see he was growing uncomfortable under the wilting barrage of questions I interrogated him with, maybe he should talk to his attorney first. He admitted he intended to build a house up on the hill, but money was tight with college tuitions, other mortgages and no job. I nodded my understanding.

“So what’s next?” I demanded, relentless as a prosecuting attorney turning the final inexorable screw before extracting a confession. “Well,” he said, “I’m thinking maybe starting a microbrewery or, I don’t know, a nano-distillery up here at the barn.”

“Lemme get this straight,” I laughed, boring in now. “A brewery? Hellfire, man, you came to the exact perfect place!”

“What do you mean?” he asked, truly alarmed now he’d spilled too many beans.

“You got no job, money’s scarce, kids are in college, your wife’s working and you want to build a house … but first, you plan to open a distillery or a brewery. What I mean is, “ I explained, smiling broadly, “ you’re a kindred spirit. You got the same dream as all of us South Enders. Welcome to La-La Land, neighbor!!”

It’s good to know — at least for this Old Timer — the newcomers will carry on our time honored traditions. Long live our Southern Values!

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