Merciful Mama!
Last time we talked about Colton Harris Moore, he was cooling his heels in the federal pen and trying to raise money to chill his mom before she died of cancer, well, freeze his mom before she died of cancer. I think in most states this would qualify as murder, but … this is the South End. Life isn’t quite as precious as other places so the options look better, even what to some might seem cruel and capricious, we see as opportunity.
The Kid raised $80,000 before his mom died. That’s not half bad for a month’s worth of internet fundraising. For freezing his dear old mother. You might be asking yourself, like me, who in the name of Einstein is throwing money at the boy for a cryogenic solution that is, at best, quackery for the rich? I offered up my unused freezer, but cash? — I don’t think so. Maybe if it was for Albert himself or Mother Theresa, but Colton’s mom??? I don’t want to appear heartless, but c’mon, she was not someone you would want to bring back to this mortal coil. No way.
It’s scary enough Colton wanted to freeze his ma and hope to bring her back when science had found a way to thaw her without freezer burn. You know, when we’d cured cancer and poisonous personality. But scarier yet are all these folks willing to donate to the cause. There are legitimate causes out there, everything from curing Alzheimers to diabetes. But freezing an old irascible woman? The very same woman who could be the poster for Bad Motherhood? C’mon.
Colton gets out of prison soon, having paid for his crimes with his time. I know a lot of folks are worried what he’ll do with his life. Whether he’ll turn over a new leaf. Whether he’ll rehab into a model citizen, get a job, settle down, marry, have kids, become a productive member of society. I think we can all quit wringing our hands over this kid. He’s going to do just fine as a fundraiser. The real question, I suppose, is whether he’ll do it legitimately or as a flim flammer. Either way, he’s got the skillset.
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