Bathroom Etiquette
The burning topic down at the Diner this week was bathrooms. Mississippi and North Carolina had passed legislation to the effect that women’s bathrooms were only for women born women and men’s bathrooms were … well, you can deduce the rest. The bathroom in the Diner is for both since they only have one restroom. Which is a step up from the Tyee Store. The Store has an outhouse. Concrete block with plumbing, even got a sink. Unisex too just like the Diner’s.
I guess the folks in Ol Miss and the Tarheel State got their important issues resolved, now they can turn their attentions to public bathrooms. Pastor Paul preaches down at the Little Church in the Ravine that homosexuals and the deviants who change sex are the root cause of the moral decline on the South End. Me, I’m not so sure. Heroin addiction ranks pretty high on my list of problems. Maybe wife abuse too. Even crab poaching seems more a problem than where folks tinkle.
Walter was making the argument at the Diner’s corner table that men would be able to use women’s toilets and rapes would skyrocket. Brenda, pouring the table’s third round of refills, laughed out loud. “Walter, you are a crack-up.” Walter stopped in mid-rant and asked her what she meant. She said, “I mean, think about it. A guy who’s changed sex from a woman to a man is going to use the men’s room. A man who’s switched to a woman is going to use a stall now. In the women’s restroom. “
“That’s right, that’s the whole point. Now you got a natural born guy in with the women.” “Yeah, but Walter, if you make the woman who’s changed into a man use the woman’s room, you got a guy with the parts a rapist needs in with the women. How does that help your argument?”
Walter thought about it a half minute. Finally he said it just wasn’t right. It just wasn’t natural. It just ought to be illegal. “Men should just stay men, for the luvva God. And use their own damn bathroom.”
As usual, we didn’t resolve the issue that morning. But when Walt got up to relieve himself of four cups of coffee, Little Jimmy called back to him to be sure and lock the door. “Don’t want any mishaps, Walt.” “And leave the seat down,” Harry hollered. “Some of us girls might be using it next.”
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