university of stanwoodopolis
Oh, I know you all think the next location of the new college campus extension is pretty much a done deal. Stanwoodopolis University, advanced degrees in lefse rolling, lutefisk production and storage unit management —- sure, it looks like a lock.
But before you start building those ivory towers out on the edge of the sewage lagoon, hold on one South End minute, cause we haven’t thrown in our towel yet. And don’t start yammerin how we don’t have the infrastructure to support all that brain matter. We got two – count em, 2 – mom and pop grocery complexes. Plenty of beer and pizzas for future PhD’s. And Daddle Distilleries can gear up for heavy production in a moment’s notice to supply fraternity and sorority alike PLUS the faculty needs.
Sure, dismiss us if you like but dismiss us at your peril. You’re thinking, why on god’s green earth would anybody stick a major university down in a nettle hellhole like the South End. The only education they got is the School of Hard Knocks and they’re so hard headed now, no degrees are getting handed out.
But you forget … we got the Elger Bay Institoot of Esthetic Enlargement, a liberal arts school that rivals Evergreen State for creative degrees. We got graduates down here so creative they don’t need to work anymore to earn a living once they enter the art colonies of the South End. Oh, I’m not saying they got rich. I’m not saying they’re famous. But how many Ivy Leaguers can claim 90% of their graduates instantly retired???
That’s right … we been preparing students since 1977 for the rigors of early retirement — WITHOUT working for Microsoft. So don’t count us out. We got our P.R. machine cranking 24/7, full color promotional brochures, all the megatonnage our art department is capable of when fully sober…
University of the South End: 25 miles from I-5, but only 4 years from Retirement. Catchy, ain’t it, Stanwood? Good luck to ya, you’ll need it.
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