Bluetooth Me!
As a roving cultural sociologist, I’m trained for acute observational situations, some not for the squeamish. Recently I have been traveling, plenty of airport time, and over the past week I have tuned in to public cellphone etiquette in a deep way. In a nutshell, there is no etiquette. Down on the South End folks have a cellphone but it hasn’t been surgically implanted. Yet. For the frequent flyer, it has ….
I used to be annoyed when perfect strangers stood next to me and shouted into their wireless devices. Nowadays I enjoy eavesdropping and even making commentary. Better they move off, not me. A lot of the boys like to chat while in the bathroom. Empty a bladder and catch up on the office goings-on. I suspect a lot of business is conducted with an open zipper. This may actually be what experts call multi-tasking. I hate to think — and I’ll spare you as well — what goes on behind stall doors. But it might go a long way toward explaining the economic downturn. Not to mention Apple’s sales successes, no doubt the result of phones dropped in the toilet.
Stewardesses now have to demand certain passengers turn off their phones. Apparently the cellularly addicted think it is not only an obligation to use their cell, it’s a constitutional right. Mark my words, you will see an upsurge in air marshals wrestling I-phones from furious passengers soon. To be disconnected for the length of a runway take-off is tantamount to ripping I-V drips from the terminally ill. The medical terminology is woefully behind, but Cellular Anxiety is real and it’s epidemic. On landing, every hand goes to a purse or a pocket. That first phonecall is better than a 12 A.M. shot of Jack Daniels for an alcoholic. It’s as if the entire airplane had breathed a collective sigh of relief now that 4-G widthdrawal is finally over. They’re fully connected once more. The nightmare, mercifully, has passed.
“Hi. We’re sitting at the terminal.” The world welcomes them back from the Void. All is well. All is right again. They’ll need to confirm this many times, but the healing process is at their ear. Speed dialing for health. The hive is buzzing happily.
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