chicken little averts fiscal catastrophe
Lately all I hear on the meager news that trickles down our way are stories about driving off the Fiscal Cliff. Disaster. Mayhem. Catastrophe. And chaos right around the bend!! Nobody’s at the wheel and all us chickens are screaming bloody murder in the backseat. It’s enough to make a fella quit his job and pull his money out of the band and head back into the hills before all fiscal hell breaks loose. You know, IF he had a job.
I thought after the election was over we’d all settle down, maybe take a break from the non-stop acrimony, get ready for an enjoyably peaceful Christmas. I guess I was a little overly optimistic. Or maybe just slightly naïve. Okay, I was stoopid. The media loves a good scare the way a TV weatherman loves predicting a blizzard a week ahead of time. Snowmageddon on its way!! Big low pressure barreling in from Siberia, crashing into a Pineapple Express up from Hawaii, better buy a generator and a backhoe with a plow now!!!
The economy’s gonna tank! The market’s gonna crash!! The sky is falling, the sky is falling, clouds are hailing down like bricks!!! Go to your Safe Room before it’s too late! Pray to Alan Greenspan! Put your affairs in order! Say adios to your kids! Kiss your butt goodbye!!!!!
But wait … the next news story is the mania to buy Powerball tickets. A billion dollars worth already sold with a chance to win, at this very moment, 550 million bucks. You win, you get a Fiscal Parachute. You could buy what’s left of a bankrupt American economy. You could be King. You could tell Bill Gates what to do. You could buy the next election. Or cancel it altogether. You could survive! Not just survive, you could Rule!
Tens of thousands of us a minute — a Minute! — are buying tickets. If the government would just fake these things, pony up a happy millionaire at the end — a shill — then pocket the loot, we could turn this economy around OVERNIGHT!!
Wwe could avert the Cliff and slide back into our garage in the cul-de-sac and hit the door close button and return to daytime TV and endless sports programming. We’d be happy. We’d be saved.!!
Maybe I’m just being optimistic. Maybe I’m a little naïve. Okay … I know what you’re thinking…..
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