Ammo R Us

Here’s some good news for you beleaguered gun right advocates: now you can buy your ammo from a vending machine. No need to haul down to your local gun dealer for bullets, just wheel up to the conveniently placed dispenser in your local chain grocery store. Course, at this time the only states where they’re located is Texas, Oklahoma and Alabama but you can rest assure American Rounds, the distributor, will expand exponentially until it reaches your very own Safeway.

Of course if you’re a gun-toting red blooded American, you’re justifiably worried about kids getting their hands on this ammo. Not to worry, the machines require an ID and a facial scan for recognition. If this was a voting machine, you’d rightfully be concerned that it could be tampered with, but for something as inconsequential as purchasing ammunition, not that big a deal. Although I would have thought maybe there would be some concern about that facial recognition scan, something akin to tracking by nano-particles in your Covid vaccines.

The Second Amendment as now defined by our Supreme Court, allows us citizens to keep and bear modified assault rifles with bump stocks that convert them to automatic weapons. Pull the trigger and you can unleash hundreds of bullets a minute. That, my friend, is a lot of ammo. To replenish the armory, you need a convenient place of purchase and what better place than the grocery store where you buy your beer and bread?

All that’s needed now for the new American Militia Man is a vending machine that spits out the gun too. One stop shopping! And not to fear, facial recognition should insure no felons, minors, mentally disturbed or spouses with restraining orders have access to these weapons. If you can’t trust your patriotic vending machine company, who can you trust? The damn government? Lock and load, baby!

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