The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

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So you thought the New Year would be better than the last, didn’t you? You thought maybe a regime change would do the trick. Or that vaccine would cure what might ail ya. You thought things couldn’t get any worse now that the election was over. Well, that light you saw at the end of the long dark tunnel of 2020 could just be a train headlight bearing down on you. And the new year has barely begun.

If you were thinking Donald J. Trump was leaving office in a few short weeks, here’s your first clue that nothing much has changed. He ain’t going anywhere. He’s not conceding, he’s not playing by any bogus rules of a few hundred years of succession, no sir, he’s screaming foul! The elections were rigged, they were hacked, dead people voted in zombie apocalypse numbers, mail in ballots were a fraud, the whole thing was phony just like the fake news that insists Sleepy Joe won by 7 million votes. No, Donald J. Trump does not lose. Nobody fires the greatest president in American history. Nobody!

Ted Cruz is leading the crusade to stop this week’s certification of Sleepy Joe. He and nearly a dozen of his fellow senators want a commission to investigate the worst fraud in our country’s long experiment with democracy. They want to overturn the election results based on their certainty the votes were wrong, the votes were bogus, the votes were phony, the votes were really for Donald J. Trump. Any fool can see that. The Proud Boys can see that. Over one hundred representatives in the House could see that. Biden didn’t win this election, not by a long shot, and a panel commissioned by Ted and his pals will prove that without a doubt or one whit of evidence. Take their word for it, Trump won.

You can bet that most of those Senators are either running for president in 2024 or their own seat in the next couple of elections. Pence, who has about as much chance of being the GOP candidate as Mister Ed the Talking Horse, waffles on this one too, first asking not to have the lawsuit invalidating the certification of the electoral college votes, then saying he welcomes Team Cruz’s efforts to investigate possible fraud in the states that Biden won. Profile in courage, not too much. Say adios, Mike. We hardly knew ya. But what we knew was plenty.

So if you thought 2021 would be a fresh start, hang onto your crying towel. The jackals are in the tunnel too. They smell blood on the tracks and they’re howling for meat. If you think democracy doesn’t hang in the balance, you must have been quarantined with Covid most of last year hooked up to a ventilator. We have met the enemy and for once I can tell you, he isn’t us….

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As you may have read doomscrolling through your Qanon feed, the Lizard People are among us. These alien reptiles, according to very reputable sources on the internet sites that were created to warn the unsuspecting prey in our naïve ranks, have infiltrated Hollywood and the governments of the world. Bob Hope, according to the Lizard experts, was one of them. So is Queen Elizabeth and George W. Bush. Hillary and Bill Clinton too. Henry Kissinger might not be a surprise to some of you, but he’s an alien reptile as well.

These extraterrestrial human imposters are so deeply entrenched in our society it’s nearly impossible to distinguish them from the tail-less ordinary lizards who make your everyday life a living hell. The deep state existed long before our present era, let me tell you. Freemasons, you bet, all lizards from beyond the galaxy. Illuminati, bet your scales on them being monsters from Mars! In fact, the penetration of these flesh eating Silurians into our governments and our entertainment industry is so pervasive, it’s difficult, if not damn near impossible, to tell the aliens from the two legged humans they impersonate.

What is so manifestly needed here is a Guide to Lizard People Identification. You need to know if that person next to you in the Safeway line, the one who refuses to wear a plague mask, is actually just a Trump supporter who thinks the election was rigged and the virus is a hoax, not a flesh eating reptilian who isn’t buying groceries for dinner because he’s got a pantry full of your neighbors. You need to know the difference, my friend.

The Democrats who abduct children for their sexual pleasure and their beastly appetites, at first glance might seem prime candidates for Lizard classification. But as you know, they have a secret basement in the one story pizza joint in D.C. A little too obvious, don’t you think? The last thing they would do is set up shop in a pizza parlor with menu items like spleen of Mormons or tongue of Caucasians. Think about it, these aren’t stupid geckos, they’re interplanetary travelers. No, those Democrats are ordinary folks just like you and me … with peculiar tastes.

How about Mitch McConnell, you ask? Looks like a turtle, slinks around on his scaly belly, does untold harm to the human race. Afraid not, once again. Just your run-of-the-mill self-serving politician. He eats flies for breakfast, not humans. In other words, sometimes diet is an indicator. Not those Democrats, however, who do eat human flesh, but I didn’t say this would be clear cut, now did I?

Long forked tongues make for quick ID. And scales behind their ears if you care to get close enough to look, which I don’t advise. Claws instead of fingernails are pretty good clue. And hissing sounds, a real tell-tale. Check for a secondary eyelid and for vertical pupils, almost always a positive identifier. Tailored clothes to hide a prehensile tail isn’t as clear cut, but combined with other known traits, it’s useful information. A double row of razor sharp teeth are a give-away if the reptiles unclench their scowl, which is not often.

I know you want to ask if the Trump is one of them. Some say he’s the alpha lizard, but before you make a rash judgement, consider this. Qanon has identified him as the hero crusader who will save planet Earth from these flesh eating monsters. My own take is a bit more measured. I don’t think he’s completely human, but I can’t, with certainty, declare him a Lizard Person. A lizard, yes, but not the extra-terrestrial kind. I could be wrong.

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Wow, just when you thought you’d gotten to know the man …. After all, you’ve been deluged for four long years by an incessant torrent of tweets that reveal ten times a day what a spoiled rich brat this guy is. He was the horrorshow punk in the Twilight Episode who would turn his family members into animals if they hurt his delicate feelings, even make them disappear forever. He was a monster, that kid, and that kid is still getting his feelings hurt in the rat-cage of the White House. He’s pissed. Nobody dares go near the room where he’s raging, not if they value their careers. They can hear the furniture being smashed and the dinners thrown against the historic wallpaper. Horrible noises all night long. Wailing and gnashing of teeth. Ranting about the Fox News betrayal, yelling at an imaginary Bill Barr.

You go in and tell him he lost the election. See how he takes the news. The only people going in that wreckage of a room are the sycophants who want him to declare martial law, confiscate suspicious voting machines, appoint a special prosecutor to investigate Biden’s boy. Toadies who tell him what he knows to be true: he won. He won by a landslide. And where are his loyal followers? McConnell and Pence, they’ve abandoned him. Half the Republicans are saying he may not be president another four years. You can hear him howling their names, vowing revenge. They’ll be sorry, the bastards. They’ll pay! This thing isn’t over yet, not by a long shot. He’ll campaign against these traitors!! He’ll ruin them! And if he has to destroy the Republican Party to do it, by god, he’ll wreak havoc on these people, these creeps. He’ll bring the temple to the ground!! He’ll pardon all his cronies. He’ll pardon his family. He’ll pardon himself, not that he has anything to be pardoned for, just so he can show them who runs this show.

Lost? LOST??? He’ll show them who lost. Donald J. Trump does not lose. Donald J. Trump is a winner!! So much winning we will get tired of it. Biden, president? Give him a break! Sleepy Joe won? Don’t make him laugh. We’ll see who gets the last laugh. If it means dragging down the entire country, that’s what it means. Nobody, and I mean nobody, tells Donald J. Trump he lost that phony election. He’s a winner, He won by a landslide. The rest is fake news. He’s been telling you that for a long time. Half of you know he’s telling the truth. The rest of you will learn the hard way.

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